Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
