they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It's just like the Real World with babies
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
