She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
