apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
