I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
