but the lizard people decide everything anyway
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
