it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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