why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
