Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
