Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
