My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize