What did we do last night that was yellow?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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