Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
