I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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