I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
