im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i need some magic done to my vagina
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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