I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
my poor anus
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
