Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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