he wants to bone in the snuggie
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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