he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
