How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize