If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
