life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
