You work out of a Hotel?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Ketchup is God's man juice
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
