she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
