my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
