I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
