You can't motorboat a personality
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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