If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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