you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
ok first of all what the fuck
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize