So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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