i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
