If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
