I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
