You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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