I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
