My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
