I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
