meet me or not, i'm out of control
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize