is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
