she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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