I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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