You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
