After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
