hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
