Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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