I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
