$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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