You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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