Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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