New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
