oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
