I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
