I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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