on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
