Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
