Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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