I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
