I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
